A Bloody Mary and a MAB

Most of us know what a Bloody Mary is, but most of don’t know our MAB from our …. ummm, Mary.

MAB - Mirror, Align, Bridge. Too often when we talk to people about hard topics we put roadblocks up that prevent them from even considering our side of an argument. Maybe we’re a bit emotional and use anger or derision to try to sway them. Shaming someone into seeing things your way happens to be pretty ineffective, especially since it seems that shame is essentially dead in modern America. There is a better way.

MABing is a technique used to bridge the divide being 2 seemingly unaligned points of view. Its a simple concept, but will take some practice to get good at. When used as a conversational and persuasive tool it can allow you to bridge a divide between opposing viewpoints by focusing on shared beliefs instead of the clear differences. Here’s how it works.

1st Step -Mirror. When discussing a topic, in large groups or small, listen to the viewpoint of the person you are talking to. As so often happens at, say, a family dinner, its fairly likely that there will be some differing points of view available on just about any topic. When you hear someone express a viewpoint different that yours, the first thing you need to do is show them that you hear what they are saying. This accomplishes 2 things - it lets them know that you are listening and hearing what they are saying, and gives them a chance to clarify what they are saying before you get down to brass tacks about who’s right and who’s wrong. This part is easy, just say “Hey, I just want to make sure what I’m hearing you say is correct…” and then repeat what they said (or an accurate summary.) It also gives you a chance to further digest the wild-ass point of view that they just flung your way, and maybe fight back the urge to immediately tell them that their village called and said they need their idiot back. Also, this is a good place to ask clarifying questions about why they feel that way. This might give you information about why they feel the way they do, and that can be pretty handy in the next steps.

2nd Step - Align. Here’s the tricky part - You gotta find something in what they said that aligns to your point of view. This can be hard, but it can also be a little easier when you realize that at a minimum you are both here discussing the issue, so you at least have that in common. Let’s take abortion for example. If you watch the news, first off, thanks for your perseverance. Knowing what is happening in the world is usually bad for your mental health… But I digress. If you watch the news, you might think that abortion is a yes or no issue, you believe it should be allowed or you don’t. But in reality, abortion is a deeply nuanced issue (so maybe we should leave it to a woman and her doctor… can I get a rim-shot? No, OK, carrying on.) Beliefs about abortion reside at the intersection of religion, women’s rights, healthcare, economics, and myriad other issues. When someone expresses a viewpoint contrary to yours, even the most extreme viewpoint, there is still probably something in one of those areas that you can agree on. For instance, its common for someone to cite their religious views as a reason to oppose abortion. Can you align with them by stating that you also think all people should have a right to practice religion in the way that they see fit? They’ll probably be quick to agree. And just like that, even though you might not agree on much else, you’re both looking the same way and saying the same thing.

3rd Step - Bridge. Now we’re getting to the meat of the conversation. During this step, you want to build a bridge between their point of view and yours. Of course, that isn’t always easy. In our above discussion about abortion, where my counterpart expressed that it is their religious views that make them oppose abortion, there’s certainly a few roads into it. For me it would always be tempting to call out the hypocrisy of their viewpoint given the multiple instances of genocide, rape, and abortion from the bible (assuming this is a Christian we’re talking to). But calling out hypocrisy does not an easy friend make. Instead, I might just say that while I disagree with their view on abortion, I do think it is important to allow people to practice their religion as they see fit, assuming its all legal/safe/doesn’t hurt others. I’d probably point out that if that is their closely held belief that I encourage them to live in a manner aligned to that. But I would also follow up with a question that asks them if they think that religious belief should be law, and unless their a Christian Nationalist, there’s a good chance they might be less certain about that. If the discussion veers into what those laws might look like if it were some other religion making those laws, it might highlight the pitfalls of such a system. If you can both agree that maybe religious beliefs shouldn’t be laws, then maybe you’ve impacted their thought process on that subject in a way that makes them think more deeply about it. And that is what we’re after.

In the end, you can’t tell a person what they should believe. You will not have success in doing that. All we can do is help them recognize that there may be wisdom in another point of view and let time do its thing. Maybe they’ll come around to our point of view and become the rainbow woke warrior we always wanted them to be. Maybe they’ll moderate their view, even just a little, and maybe that pays a dividend in some way. We just don’t know, but without that little kernel of agreement, its a lot less likely that we will find even a little common ground.

OK, on to the alcohol….

I chose a cocktail (one of my favorites) because this is going to require some practice. Practice, in turn, is probably going to be better with a partner. And I know, at least with my friends, that an easy way to get them to go along with my shenanigans is to lubricate their vocal cords and brain cells with something to drink. My recommendation… Invite some friends over for a cocktail and practice MABing with each other. Added bonus - the opportunities to MAB should increase exponentially (alcohol + more alcohol = my friends saying and doing some wild-ass shit). Here’s a recipe for a yummy Bloody Mary to get people talking.

Basic Bloody Mary

Ingredients:

Tomato Juice (or Clamato for a Bloody Caesar)

Worcestershire Sauce

Tabasco (or other favorite hot sauce)

Celery Salt

Lime Juice

Salt and Pepper

Ice

Gin or Vodka

Optional:

Olives w/ olive juice

Cajun Salt (like Tony Cachere’s)

Cucumber and Cilantro

Instructions: Place ice in a 16 oz glass. Add celery salt, W sauce, Tabasco, lime juice, and salt and pepper to taste. If you like it more salty, add more salt or olive juice. If you like it spicy, kick up the Tabasco and pepper. Feel free to play with the ratios of each to make it your own. Add 1 ½ oz of vodka or gin, and top the glass off with tomato juice. Stir, garnish (olives, pickles, celery, whatever you have), and enjoy!

Pro tip(s): If you’re a pro (or just love cucumber and/or cilantro), muddle a cucumber slice and a few cilantro leaves with the lime juice and some salt in the bottom of your glass before you add the ice. I love the flavor it gives the drink. Very refreshing. If you really want to make it refreshing and citrusy, use Tanqueray Rangpur Lime gin - yum.

Blog Post Title Two

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.